And the load, doesn't weigh me down at all, (she) ain't heavy...(she)'s my (sister)

I am the fat cousin.
It's cool, I'm used to it.
I do not live under any sort of delusion when it comes to comparing me to the skinny beauties that surround me at every family function.
Sure genetics plays a big part in it...but the enormous amounts of twinkies, gravy, and fried foods didn't help.
I like to believe that growing up fat means I have a better personality, but perhaps that it just what fat people say to make themselves feel better.
It works though.

My life has been filled with what seems like a never-ending circle of weight loss.
Motivation, diet, failed diet, depression, acceptance of fatness and it's "beauty", possible motivation to try to lose weight (either a new diet, new boy fascination, or boredom), motivation, diet, failed diet, etc...

Then a couple years ago I finally got serious about weight loss and got the lap band. Some maybe thought it was the "easy way out", but I knew (for me) this was the only possible way I was going to lose weight. I needed help with portion control, I needed someone or something(other than myself) to say "hey fatty, perhaps you should stop eating"..... and it worked.
For the first time since...who knows when...I was buying clothes in non-specialty sizes. it felt great.

then I went through pregnancy.

Luckily, I didn't gain a massive amount of weight, but it still put me back a couple sizes, and, to be honest, I was okay with that. For many months after giving birth I wasn't really motivated to lose weight. My body still felt somewhat skinny to me (compared to the size that I had been for the last 10+ years), and I was too busy working and being a single mom to focus on anything else, especially my waist size.

Then recently I have gotten motivated to lose weight.

I had set a goal to, for once in my life, be as skinny as my sister...but then she jumped on the "we're married and in our late twenties/early thirties, so let's start running phenomenon" and I just can't compete with that. I want to lose weight, but this body ain't running ANY TIME SOON.

So I joined a gym. Yep, for the last two months I have been a gym member. I can't say "i love it", I don't think that will ever come out of my mouth, but I don't mind it. I work out an hour or so, 5 days a week, both weights and cardio, and from the fit of my clothes I can tell it's working...although I don't weigh myself, and NEVER WILL.

The gym is an interesting place, full of all different sorts of people...very fascinating actually. My favorite regulars, so far, are...

---the old guy with the white 80's sweatband, khaki pants with a button-up shirt and suspenders, that comes and bikes for an hour
---the possibly 18 year old spanish boy that looks 12 who likes to act tough, but stumbles all the time while doing weights
---the odd looking 20-something guy who wears jeans and sunglasses, and grunts SO LOUD while lifting weights, that it just makes me uncomfortable..plus he never works out his lower body, and thus is very disproportional
---and finally the very tan man in his 60's that either rocks a toupee or very bad hair, but has the body of a man half his age...mid-life crisis perhaps?

Me, I usually hop on the treadmill or elliptical, put in my head phones with my "work out" mix (necessary in order to drown out the loud grunts and moans that come from the weightlifters) and just watch all overweight people go in and out of the china buffet. Now, there's motivation.

So although I will never be one of the skinny girls, atleast you can no longer fit two of my cousins into my pants...and that's good enough for me.