If loving you is wrong I don't wanna be right. If being right means being without you i'd rather live a wrong doing life

Q is coming up on 3 years old, and that means it was time to get rid of the binky. (yes, i chose to wait until after disneyland to take it away).

side story: One of Q's binkies feel into the water at California Adventure. She was devastated. I didn't know how I was going to handle the rest of the day with no binky. Luckily a few hours later, when I went into my backpack to get a snack, I noticed the last remaining binky. phew! q was good for the rest of the day, but man, every time we walked past the water she would say "the ducks stole my binky". yeah, this girl doesn't forget anything, and really holds on to the grudges.

This past week I spent a lot of time researching different ideas. The binky fairy, letting it go in a balloon, stuffing it in a bear, etc.

I had settled on playing up the binky fairy. A beautiful fairy that would come into her room the night before her 3rd birthday, and take her binky(that she lays under her pillow) away, leaving a new toy in exchange. The binky fairy then takes the special binky to a baby in a far away place.  I had Q sold on the idea. I even found  a video online of  a "binky fairy" talking to the kids, telling them that she will be coming soon. Q loved it. She wanted to watch the video over and over. I had talked to her about what present she wanted the fairy to bring her. Q was excited to give her binky to another baby. I was relieved.

Then today she lost it.

I looked everywhere. We live in a two bedroom condo...not a whole lot of space...and yet I can't find it anywhere. Q is devastated. I have searched every inch of this place. I can't find it. We have no more back up binkies. Q finally said "maybe a monster took it" (she has a very active imagination, and monsters have been a recent fascination for her)

So today is the last day of the binky.

it's been a very long day. Lots of ups and downs. She'll forget about the binky for maybe 10 minutes, and then break down like she had just lost it. She was very mad that the monster took it, cause now she couldn't give it to a baby.

It took forever for her to go to sleep for her nap. I let her cry it out. Once she was asleep she slept for her normal 2.5-3 hours. but the minute she awoke she was sad again.

While she was asleep, I wrote a note as the monster.

 

and put it outside her door. 

After the initial "fit" when she first awoke. I brought in the present that was left by her door. I read her the note. She smiled. and ate her candy. She was happy. for 2 minutes. 

Then she wanted to speak to this "monster". the one who so rudely had stolen her binky. I told her that maybe she could talk to her later. 

All evening it's been a series of okay moments, and complete devastation. She keeps saying that maybe her Dora doll can help her find the binky tomorrow....(doubt it Q).  

I think we have a tough road ahead of us. 

We did call the "monster" tonight (kimmy) and q got to thank her for the candies, and tell her to take care of her binky. The monster apologized again, but told Q that she was a big girl and she'd be okay. 

Q wasn't totally convinced. She did say after the call "ah, the monster's my friend."

but a few minutes later she was crying about her binky. 

I have a feeling this pattern of up and down will be a recurring theme for the next oh...20 years. 

p.s. my biggest fear is the minute she is finally okay with no binky life, the darn thing will resurface. It's gonna haunt me.