Today was a good day...

Yesterday was a good day. Nothing exciting happened, but it was a good day. Q took two very long naps, which meant mommy got in two very long naps. We played outside until the wind made it a tad to cold for mommy. We snacked throughout the day. We played. We watched cartoons. And after Q went down for bed, and the house was silent, with none of the usual visitors dropping by, I cuddled on the couch with a pillow, blanket, and a book. A BOOK! I haven't read a book (except maternity or parenting books) in months, maybe a couple years. And I read it cover to cover. I finished around 1 am, and headed to bed.  What a great day.

we like the cars, the cars that go boom...

Last week, I took Q to go watch the annual Japanese softball game against the singles ward. I thought she would enjoy running around on the grass, eating snacks, and sitting in a camping chair.

But no.

All she wanted to do was play in Clinton's car.

She is obsessed.

All those buttons and levers are too much to resist.

In fact, when we forced her out of the car she threw a huge fit, and quickly ended my night.

She cried all the way home....

I guess the girl loves her cars.

Let’s settle down... Let’s chill

My Q may look normal..but

She finds the craziest positions to "chill" in...

summertime...and the living is easy...

It was such a nice weekend here in Moses. Friday we hung out outside for a little bit...Q, quickly made herself at home in one of the camping chairs, and was so exited to be outside....too bad she didn't get in on the s'more action before it was bed time...they were delicious.

Then saturday we spent time outside in the freshly mowed lawn (thanks Robert). Q was fascinated with all the flowers, and then moved on to throwing the gravel in the driveway. It was so nice out, that I just sat on the steps or the lawn and watched her entertain herself. Oh I love summer.

On friday I had to work (usually I just work m-th), so Emily watched Q for me...and judging from these pictures I think they had fun.

note: this lawn is pre-mowing...yeah it was out of control

you spin me right round baby....

Q's really been working on her breakdance moves...and had now been focusing on her head spins...

Got my flash on it's true, need that picture of you....

I took some more pictures of my Q with my hipstamatic app for my iphone.

Q loves laying on the floor of the kitchen and playing...how is this comfortable?

this one makes her look like she's on fire...but I think it looks pretty cool

Q has really been into putting on her own hats, glasses, etc... Unfortunately, she can't quite figure out how to put them on correctly. but she doesn't care...so either do i.

Life is better.

and I, hate everything about you...

I will not apologize but I will warn you. This is a raw, emotional, and honest post.

Yesterday was tough. Tougher than I was expecting. And I now know that I must avoid all blogs and facebook posting on mother's day, cause it just makes for a sad lonely day...for it not only reminds me that I don't have a mother


it also further points out my loneliness and the fact that I am alone, with no man in my life either.

For me, there was no breakfast in bed...unless I wanted to make it.
For me, there was no photos....unless I was taking them
For me, there was no nap...unless I wanted Q to just entertain herself
For me, there was nobody helping with homemade gifts...unless I wanted to make them for myself
For me, there was nobody making sure my day was special....
For me, there was nobody taking off the burdens of every day life
For me, there was nobody reminding Q that today was "mommy's day" and to be nice
For me, there was nobody, but me and Q.

and most days, that is enough for me...but then I read post after post. status after status. about the showering of love, attention, and treasured gifts. About not only the kindness shown by children, but husbands, boyfriends, etc... and I just cry.

I am happy to be a mother and I love Q, but yesterday...mother's day meant nothing to me. It was just like every other day. Same burdens. Same stress. Same jobs of feeding, entertaining, and caring for a child alone. No gifts were given, no kind words from a child or spouse, no special moments, no time-out.

I understand that this is "my fault" or "my choice", however you look at it... but it doesn't make it any less difficult to deal with some days.
It doesn't stop the tears when I can't hold them in any longer.
It doesn't calm me down when I get too stressed about bills, health, food, and childcare.
It doesn't make the loneliness any less real.

I'm wishin' on a star...

Anybody else watch "Community"?

Yep, we convinced Robert to grow out his facial hair, so we could cut starburns....and it was awesome! I cut out a star template, and held it in place while Rachel cut around it. Of course, Robert is going to shave them off soon...but in the meantime...they have made me smile every time I look at them.

Classy. Just Classy.

Willkommen! Bienvenue! Welcome!

So we were bored...and just needed to get out of town...I didn't want to be sitting at home thinking too much this weekend...so of course the crew headed to Leavenworth! (it was the first place that popped into Robert's head I think)

The drive was full of conversation, and of course rockin out to some tunes. Everybody had their sunglasses on, so of course Q had to get in on that action.

In Leavenworth we ate some delicious Brats, Coldstone, window shopped, and of course stopped off at the "Hat Store"...always a good time.

There was some crazy events going on in the town square, but we were more fascinated with the high amounts of men in lederhosen...just plain awesome. But even better was this...

A DOG IN LEDERHOSEN!! Classic.

It was a beautiful day, with good friends, and Q enjoyed getting out of the house.

She was sick for a few days last week, but now we have gone from

this:

\

To this:

Yeah, for a healthy child and good times!

We're following the leader wherever she may go...

I guess there's no question who is in charge around here.

Q decided to make Emily her own personal pet for a night...

I guess Emily will remember to tie up her pants next time.

She drives me crazy...like no one else...

TOP 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT QIANA:

1. She loves boys. (i'm sure there is some psychological explanation, involving daddy issues here, but I will choose to ignore that.. :) ). I have been blessed with some awesome guys in my life, and Q has taken quite a shining to them as well. When cousin Nick walks in the door, she runs over wanting a hug, and just nuzzles her head right into his neck. When Clinton comes over, she instantly gets on his lap, and plays with his hat. But her new interest is Robert. She loves this guy!

2. She has a shoe fetish. She loves putting on her own shoes, walking around in mommy's shoes, and bringing all guests their shoes if they have taken them off.

3. She has discovered the piano. My mom's old piano is incredibly out of tune, and we have tried selling it but at last it still sits against my wall and holds decorative items....but Q has now discovered this music making machine and is hooked.

4. She babbles ALL THE TIME, but you can't understand much of anything....but here are a few of her "recognizable words"

5. She knows how to say "cheese"

6. She is a silly, silly girl...for example

she likes to hang out in the corner by the front door. She eats, talks to herself, or just sits quietly.

she loves blankets, the couch, making funny faces, and using mom as her own personal jungle jim

7. she is not above begging for food.

8. she loves her accessories

9. she still must be touching mommy at almost all times

this is her eating in her chair....her feet are always resting on my leg.

10. She loves outdoor activities.

Yesterday, Q, Rachel, and I we went out with boys to "aunt ann's" (robert and brad's aunt) to have some delicious food, watch some Wii Dance, talk, hang out, etc... but the night started out with a little gun shooting...that's right.

Q was alseep for the first part of the shooting...seriously...she didn't even stir at all. This girl loves her sleep, I just held her, a little bit away from the shooting, and she slept soundly on my shoulders...then she woke up...and was ready to get in on the action. Robert let her use his headphones/silencer things...and she loved them. She didn't try taking them off at all, and infact got upset when we tried to remove them. She would just stand around, watching the water, babbling jibberish, and watching the men shoot bullets at random junk in the field. She was in heaven! Where did this girl come from?