I will not apologize but I will warn you. This is a raw, emotional, and honest post.
Yesterday was tough. Tougher than I was expecting. And I now know that I must avoid all blogs and facebook posting on mother's day, cause it just makes for a sad lonely day...for it not only reminds me that I don't have a mother
it also further points out my loneliness and the fact that I am alone, with no man in my life either.
For me, there was no breakfast in bed...unless I wanted to make it.
For me, there was no photos....unless I was taking them
For me, there was no nap...unless I wanted Q to just entertain herself
For me, there was nobody helping with homemade gifts...unless I wanted to make them for myself
For me, there was nobody making sure my day was special....
For me, there was nobody taking off the burdens of every day life
For me, there was nobody reminding Q that today was "mommy's day" and to be nice
For me, there was nobody, but me and Q.
and most days, that is enough for me...but then I read post after post. status after status. about the showering of love, attention, and treasured gifts. About not only the kindness shown by children, but husbands, boyfriends, etc... and I just cry.
I am happy to be a mother and I love Q, but yesterday...mother's day meant nothing to me. It was just like every other day. Same burdens. Same stress. Same jobs of feeding, entertaining, and caring for a child alone. No gifts were given, no kind words from a child or spouse, no special moments, no time-out.
I understand that this is "my fault" or "my choice", however you look at it... but it doesn't make it any less difficult to deal with some days.
It doesn't stop the tears when I can't hold them in any longer.
It doesn't calm me down when I get too stressed about bills, health, food, and childcare.
It doesn't make the loneliness any less real.