Monday, March 30, 2009

It's the freakin weekend baby. I'm about to have me some fun.

This weekend Qiana and I got to be pretty social and get out of the house. It was a nice change of pace. Michelle came over and spent the weekend, and we had so much fun.

Friday night we went out to dinner with the girls....delicious.

Qiana, of course, couldn't keep things out of her mouth.

Saturday we headed to tri-cities to get some shopping done. The weather was not super awesome, but we were troopers and got things done. In the mall, we stopped at Claire's to check out some new earrings for Qiana, and saw these adorable glasses that I just had to put on her....

WARNING: The picture you are about to see may be TOO ADORABLE to handle...

After a few hours of shopping, sick Michelle started to get fussy headed and Qiana was getting wayyy tired so we packed up and headed home. On the way home Emily and Michelle played a rousing game of "name that tune", with me as the host, and Emily won. Michelle did good, but we had to lower the bar a little for long as she got one word in the title right she got the point...oh michelle!

Sunday, after going to a singles ward to hear Emily speak, we headed over to Ephrata to hang out with Michelle's family and have some amazing stew and cornbread (yummy). Emily, Michelle, and I entertained ourselves with speed scrabble, and a "lizzing" (30 rock reference) induced game of guesstures and celebrity, while Qiana spent some cuddle time with mama and papa Grout.


On another note....

My baby is 6 MONTHS OLD!!

They say that time goes by so quickly, and now I totally understand. She is becoming a little personality now, and it's so much fun.

She loves to cuddle, and is now getting into hugging, and nuzzeling into my neck.

She loves playing with, touching, and chewing everything that mommy
has in her hands, and is so very curious about the world around her.

She smiles a lot (well at least for me)

and loves just laying on me and relaxing.

She is most happy when she is able to stand up and jump around.

Her favorite sleeping position is still craddled in my arms

and often times she likes to just lay there, looking up at me, and talking.
My little girl.

Friday, March 27, 2009

you've got a friend in me....

Qiana doesn't give her smiles or love to just anybody.

She's like have to earn it.

But she sure does love her Auntie Em.

The moment she hears her voice she looks to find her and then stares until Em gives her some recognition...then it's all smiles!

She loves to jump on her

play (and then chew) her cell phone

and sit on her lap and watch shows.

Qiana, like me, is an Auntie Em super fan.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

the music of my heart....

Well I was super excited for Motown night on American Idol, and overall it did not disappoint. Maybe you just can't go too wrong with the soulful stylings of the Motown greats.

Let's start with my least favorites, and the ones in trouble tonight...

Lil Rounds.

First off, is her first name really Lil? Is it short for something? Or is it like Lil' John, or Lil' Wayne? Anyway....
How does a black woman suck on Motown night? MOTOWN! She should be embarrassed.


PINK PANTS! Seriously? I think my comments can be summed up by this...As he's singing, Qiana grabs the remote and tries to change the channel...My baby understands.


How far will a pretty face get you? C'MON!


I thought there was no way somebody could mess up "ain't to proud to beg". It's a classic, and such a great song. I was wrong.

And now for the ones that should be safe tonight....


It was slightly boring, and I don't see him making it to the end, but he's got a nice voice.


He's had better weeks, But both Qiana and I were entertained. I really need him to learn how to sing on both sides of his mouth though...that's getting annoying to watch.


For the first time I didn't want to cut my ears off....I did however, want to cut out my eyes. Hey Adam...Zac Efron called and wants his costume from "Hairspray" back! How did Simon not ridicule this look?


I agree with Kara..good but not great. I did like it when he danced with the backup singers though...SO MOTOWN!


I love love love this song, and I think she did a great job. What a voice!


Matt+Mavin Gaye=joy. Let's get it on! I thought the combination of piano at the beginning, then working the crowd...really worked for him.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

jump around... Jump up Jump up and get down

Apparently the exersaucer is a huge hit with the little lady!
She has been a big fan of standing up for awhile now, more so than sitting or laying down, so it was time to see how she did in the exersaucer.

Sure she tried to eat all the accessories
it seems like my little gremlin tries to eat everything these days, but she had a blast boucing up and down while mommy got some chores done.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Picture me rollin, baby...

Yesterday I was planning a post about how Qiana is so close to rolling over....but then last night happened...

She rolled over 3 TIMES!!
So exciting, too exciting that I forgot to capture the moment. Luckily I have pictures of her "almost" rolls and thus you can just imagine the rest.


Apparently that was enough for one day.

Monday, March 23, 2009

welcome to my nightmare...

I know sometimes it can be a little awkward when someone posts an "emotional" blog, so here's a warning that this is one of those blogs. So feel free to skip it, or not comment at the end...I totally understand. They say confession is good for the soul, and I feel like I need to get something out of my head, so that I can start to move on.

I've been having a lot of bad dreams and bad feelings lately, in regards to my mother, and I don't know how to make them stop.

I've had nightmares about every night, and I'll save you the details but they all come down to these questions...
did we kill our mother? could she have gotten better and we gave up on her too quickly?

I am haunted by these thoughts, and I don't think people could possibly understand the feelings unless they have been there. I can try to tell myself that she was gone, and that us turning off the machines was just a formality, but I still can't help thinking that we are responsible for my mother not being here. That are actions directly resulted in my mother passing away. How do you get over that? How do I forgive myself for giving up her?

Along with these thoughts of sadness comes anger towards her. anger for getting herself in that position in the first place. anger towards her for not realizing what a good life she had and constantly searching for something to make her happy. I don't understand why she didn't see the good things she had in her life, and let that be enough. Why didn't she see that her children and her grandchildren loved her, and NEEDED her around. I feel angry that her kids and grandchildren weren't enough for her. that I WASN'T enough to make her happy.

along with being angry at my mother, and I am angry at myself. I am not one that feels "guilt" very easily but I have a lot of guilt when it comes to my mother.

Guilty for a missed opportunity to show her I loved her: As she left the office that Friday morning to go to the hospital she asked me for a hug, and because everyone was looking and I was too proud...I refused. and although I later joined her at the hospital and kept her company before her surgery, telling her I loved her, and hung out with her post-op, I will never forget that the last time I stood side by side with my mother I refused her a hug.

Guilty that I wasn't there: What kind of daughter leaves on vacation while her mother in recuperating in the hospital. Does that fact that she wanted me to go make it any better? How do I get over the fact that I wasn't there when my mother needed me the most? While my mother was dying I wasn't by her side, instead I was driving in a car, wanting nothing more than to be home. To be with my mommy.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I hate this part right here....I hate this part right here

Grand Ole Opry have got to be serious? Visions of Conway Twitty, Hank Williams, and Willie Nelson rush through my mind. This is going to be interesting....

Randy Travis has got to be one of the oddest and kind of creepy looking men ever!

One word....ADAM....

what the crap was that!! yesterday I had a debate at the office with a co-worker about Adam, with me taking the "Adam is ridiculous" she agreed with me. The accessories, the tongue, the pulling up of the shirt, the caressing of the leg...all HORRENDOUS, all as Simon said "indulgent". AGHHH!

and although I am huge Danny Gokey fan

I don't think last night was his best performance and I totally agree that the first part was kind of slow. He did end it well, and for that I am thankful.

MY favorites of the night were


(I finally see why he's there)


(sure he sings out of the side of his mouth, which can be annoying, but he has a good voice. Emily and I decided that if Hal Sparks and Rick Moranis had a love child he would look like Kris)sidenote: Emily has officially switched her pick from Adam (blah) to Kris....good choice Emily.

Matt G

(his voice, his skills on the piano...this competition only needs one piano man and the blind guy has got to go)

IN danger of leaving tonight...

I really wanted to say Megan here

but I think the judges pretty much gave her a "free pass" with the major mentionning of her "sickness". Although I am not convinced that she would have done any better if she had been 100% healthy. I think she has an interesting voice, and yes she is hot, but compared to the other contestants I just don't think she deserves to be in the competition very much longer.


(although I do agree with Michael in that country music is often times meant to be more "fun" than vocally challenging, I think Simon's negative comments may persuade the viewers)


(I'm super bummed that she didn't have a good night, cause she is my favorite girl in the competition, but I think she ran into some trouble...)


(I don't think america has the guts to vote out the disabled guy but I am putting the thought out into the universe and hoping it comes true...although you are right Shane...his hair was a big improvement)