Tuesday, July 28, 2009

And the load, doesn't weigh me down at all, (she) ain't heavy...(she)'s my (sister)

I am the fat cousin.
It's cool, I'm used to it.
I do not live under any sort of delusion when it comes to comparing me to the skinny beauties that surround me at every family function.
Sure genetics plays a big part in it...but the enormous amounts of twinkies, gravy, and fried foods didn't help.
I like to believe that growing up fat means I have a better personality, but perhaps that it just what fat people say to make themselves feel better.
It works though.

My life has been filled with what seems like a never-ending circle of weight loss.
Motivation, diet, failed diet, depression, acceptance of fatness and it's "beauty", possible motivation to try to lose weight (either a new diet, new boy fascination, or boredom), motivation, diet, failed diet, etc...

Then a couple years ago I finally got serious about weight loss and got the lap band. Some maybe thought it was the "easy way out", but I knew (for me) this was the only possible way I was going to lose weight. I needed help with portion control, I needed someone or something(other than myself) to say "hey fatty, perhaps you should stop eating"..... and it worked.
For the first time since...who knows when...I was buying clothes in non-specialty sizes. it felt great.

then I went through pregnancy.

Luckily, I didn't gain a massive amount of weight, but it still put me back a couple sizes, and, to be honest, I was okay with that. For many months after giving birth I wasn't really motivated to lose weight. My body still felt somewhat skinny to me (compared to the size that I had been for the last 10+ years), and I was too busy working and being a single mom to focus on anything else, especially my waist size.

Then recently I have gotten motivated to lose weight.

I had set a goal to, for once in my life, be as skinny as my sister...but then she jumped on the "we're married and in our late twenties/early thirties, so let's start running phenomenon" and I just can't compete with that. I want to lose weight, but this body ain't running ANY TIME SOON.

So I joined a gym. Yep, for the last two months I have been a gym member. I can't say "i love it", I don't think that will ever come out of my mouth, but I don't mind it. I work out an hour or so, 5 days a week, both weights and cardio, and from the fit of my clothes I can tell it's working...although I don't weigh myself, and NEVER WILL.

The gym is an interesting place, full of all different sorts of people...very fascinating actually. My favorite regulars, so far, are...

---the old guy with the white 80's sweatband, khaki pants with a button-up shirt and suspenders, that comes and bikes for an hour
---the possibly 18 year old spanish boy that looks 12 who likes to act tough, but stumbles all the time while doing weights
---the odd looking 20-something guy who wears jeans and sunglasses, and grunts SO LOUD while lifting weights, that it just makes me uncomfortable..plus he never works out his lower body, and thus is very disproportional
---and finally the very tan man in his 60's that either rocks a toupee or very bad hair, but has the body of a man half his age...mid-life crisis perhaps?

Me, I usually hop on the treadmill or elliptical, put in my head phones with my "work out" mix (necessary in order to drown out the loud grunts and moans that come from the weightlifters) and just watch all overweight people go in and out of the china buffet. Now, there's motivation.

So although I will never be one of the skinny girls, atleast you can no longer fit two of my cousins into my pants...and that's good enough for me.


Kimmy said...

It's funny that I'm reading this right now because I just emailed you a question about your gym. I promised I'm not obsessed!

You know I am so proud of you for making the decision and effort to get to the gym. It is hard when you work full-time AND have a little girl to raise. I truthfully don't know if I could do it.

I want you to be happy. That's what matters. And, you will totally match my size sooner than you know it!!!

Nina said...

I second what Kimmy said above...I have been a single Mother raising a young child, working full time and trying to find not only the time but the energy and oomphf to get to the gym and put in a good workout...SO BIG KUDOS TO YOU!

I love that you don't weigh yourself! Healthy is not a number :O) The best part is in reality it is all for Qiana to have a happy and healthy Mommy!!!

In my closing I must confess that I have not been working out all summer! So your post has motivated me to get back to it...Thank you for the motivational push I needed :O)

krystind said...

How cool!!! I would totally go to the gym with you. I change my work out playlist every week to keep things fresh. Way to go. I've dropped 4 sizes and 55 pounds since September. I am super proud of you. It's never ever easy no matter how you choose to do it.

dirty>south said...

some day you'll be with us skinny people. just keep working.

Susan said...

Good for you Angie! As long as you are doing it for the right reasons, it'll happen. Any time you want to go for a walk, just give me a call. I'm always up for it! And I have built in babysitters!

Colleen said...

Awesome Angie! Funny as ever, but also so heartfelt. You are beautiful, and all your efforts show in your pictures! And I think we have all those same people at our gym...odd.

Kacey Nielsen said...

I had to tell you Scarlet is now obsessed with Qiana. Whenever I open your blog she pops on my lap and says, "look its baby Yana!"

She just looked up at me and said, "Mom, we go see baby Yana now?"

I told her we had to wait to go on the airplane to see her and right at that moment we heard a plane take off over her house.

"Mom the plane to baby yana is here!" she shouted as she ran out the front door. Too funny. I should probably go catch her...

Jess said...

GREAT POST!!! First of all I think you look great!
I really feel that Working out is like going to the gyno, you're just happy when it's over :) Being "fluffy" sucks & coming from someone who has also battled the bulge her entire life! I feel for ya, finding that inner motivation is the hardest!! Keep up the good work at the gym & maybe we could form an FLA (food lovers anon.) LOL...I know I need it :)

Mandi said...

You're posts always make me laugh. You seriously have the best sense of humor. We are so hard on ourselves sometimes(women). I think you look AMAZING!! I have a hard time sometimes too, I always "tease" that I am the "Jolly Green Giant" of the (Tom) Earl family. Because, as we all know, they are size 2-4, like 5'2 and gorgeous. Oh well, we are who we are, and like I said... you look GREAT!

Lani said...

where did you get the motivation is what I want to know, I NEED to find me some of that! Kudos to you! maybe I should go to the gym too....

Alissa Maxwell said...

I was laughing about your list of regulars before I even read it! For the record, my boss would be the skinny guy in the 80's short shorts, sweatbands, and goggle glasses... drinking protein drinks and chatting up the trainers in between lifting puney weights. Not kidding.