There's a hole in my heart that can only be filled by you...

My tv has died.

And as silly as it sounds, I am really sad about it.

Not because it was a nice big tv and now I have to spend money on a new one, although that would be reason enough, but because it was my mom's tv...something of hers that I couldn't part with. I could have bought my own tv, a couple years ago, but I wanted this one. This tv that my mom and I had spent hundreds, no thousands of hours watching shows together. She was so happy when she bought this tv, and I wanted to keep that memory for as long as I could.

But now the TV is gone.

Cause you know where I'll be found... When I come around

Hey Guys, since my mom hasn't blogged in like forever, I decided to post about what I've been up to. 

Memorial Day weekend my mommy took me to the aquatic center, and I had a blast. 

Oh man, I must have gone down the green slide about 100 billion times. Plus we had tons of snacks with us, and I got to take a nap laying on mommy, which was so nice, although I did practice my napping outside in line before the center opened...I was being so funny. 

we also got to go to a parade that weekend..I guess I went last year too, but I don't remember it, so it never happened. but this year I got real into it. I would cheer as the people went by, and did you know that if you look extra cute and clap people throw candy at you? CANDY RIGHT AT YOU! oh man, it was great. 

On Sunday we went over to Rae-Rae's house for her birthday dinner. It was soooo good. PLus I got to hang out with lots of kids, and meet some new people. This kid Michael even let me put on his shoes, but they were too heavy to walk in...

I have recently become very fascinated with my feet and love to try and use them like hands. My mom calls me a weirdo, but she'll be sorry if my freakish ways make me a star one day. 

 

I love doing everything my mom does, and just follow her around all the time. One night she was doing Rae-rae's hair and put on this fancy apron, and I just had to find an apron of my own

then one day, my mommy let me wear her cute apron, and I kept in on all evening. 

I love my apron. 

My mom recently left me for a whole week....A WHOLE WEEK....it was a little traumatizing, but I had fun without her. The first few days I got to hang out with Em-ly. She took me to the store and to run errands. I refused to take my sunglasses off at all while in Wal-Mart....

after all, I was a little embarrassed to be seen there with her. hahahhaa. just kidding Em-ly, you know I love you. 

Then Em-ly took me down to tri-town so I could hang out with my cousins for a few days. Oh man, I had so much fun. Although Chlo-Bo and I did have a little discussion over who was a bigger Yo Gabba Gabba fan...

But Jared and Lindsay took great care of me. We got to go to a park, and ate chicken and watermelon...my favorite.

Man, having fun, can be so tiring!

Well that's all I got folks, I'm sure my mom will post about her trip to New York to see my uncle Mitch soon. 

1000 kisses from you is never too much...

Happy Birthday Mama

Today was a good day...

Yesterday was a good day. Nothing exciting happened, but it was a good day. Q took two very long naps, which meant mommy got in two very long naps. We played outside until the wind made it a tad to cold for mommy. We snacked throughout the day. We played. We watched cartoons. And after Q went down for bed, and the house was silent, with none of the usual visitors dropping by, I cuddled on the couch with a pillow, blanket, and a book. A BOOK! I haven't read a book (except maternity or parenting books) in months, maybe a couple years. And I read it cover to cover. I finished around 1 am, and headed to bed.  What a great day.

we like the cars, the cars that go boom...

Last week, I took Q to go watch the annual Japanese softball game against the singles ward. I thought she would enjoy running around on the grass, eating snacks, and sitting in a camping chair.

But no.

All she wanted to do was play in Clinton's car.

She is obsessed.

All those buttons and levers are too much to resist.

In fact, when we forced her out of the car she threw a huge fit, and quickly ended my night.

She cried all the way home....

I guess the girl loves her cars.

Let’s settle down... Let’s chill

My Q may look normal..but

She finds the craziest positions to "chill" in...

summertime...and the living is easy...

It was such a nice weekend here in Moses. Friday we hung out outside for a little bit...Q, quickly made herself at home in one of the camping chairs, and was so exited to be outside....too bad she didn't get in on the s'more action before it was bed time...they were delicious.

Then saturday we spent time outside in the freshly mowed lawn (thanks Robert). Q was fascinated with all the flowers, and then moved on to throwing the gravel in the driveway. It was so nice out, that I just sat on the steps or the lawn and watched her entertain herself. Oh I love summer.

On friday I had to work (usually I just work m-th), so Emily watched Q for me...and judging from these pictures I think they had fun.

note: this lawn is pre-mowing...yeah it was out of control

you spin me right round baby....

Q's really been working on her breakdance moves...and had now been focusing on her head spins...

Got my flash on it's true, need that picture of you....

I took some more pictures of my Q with my hipstamatic app for my iphone.

Q loves laying on the floor of the kitchen and playing...how is this comfortable?

this one makes her look like she's on fire...but I think it looks pretty cool

Q has really been into putting on her own hats, glasses, etc... Unfortunately, she can't quite figure out how to put them on correctly. but she doesn't care...so either do i.

Life is better.

and I, hate everything about you...

I will not apologize but I will warn you. This is a raw, emotional, and honest post.

Yesterday was tough. Tougher than I was expecting. And I now know that I must avoid all blogs and facebook posting on mother's day, cause it just makes for a sad lonely day...for it not only reminds me that I don't have a mother


it also further points out my loneliness and the fact that I am alone, with no man in my life either.

For me, there was no breakfast in bed...unless I wanted to make it.
For me, there was no photos....unless I was taking them
For me, there was no nap...unless I wanted Q to just entertain herself
For me, there was nobody helping with homemade gifts...unless I wanted to make them for myself
For me, there was nobody making sure my day was special....
For me, there was nobody taking off the burdens of every day life
For me, there was nobody reminding Q that today was "mommy's day" and to be nice
For me, there was nobody, but me and Q.

and most days, that is enough for me...but then I read post after post. status after status. about the showering of love, attention, and treasured gifts. About not only the kindness shown by children, but husbands, boyfriends, etc... and I just cry.

I am happy to be a mother and I love Q, but yesterday...mother's day meant nothing to me. It was just like every other day. Same burdens. Same stress. Same jobs of feeding, entertaining, and caring for a child alone. No gifts were given, no kind words from a child or spouse, no special moments, no time-out.

I understand that this is "my fault" or "my choice", however you look at it... but it doesn't make it any less difficult to deal with some days.
It doesn't stop the tears when I can't hold them in any longer.
It doesn't calm me down when I get too stressed about bills, health, food, and childcare.
It doesn't make the loneliness any less real.