Wednesday, March 9, 2011

I've become so numb I can't feel you there...

I'm heartless, or perhaps just numb inside. I feel bad that I have no tears to share for you and your pain. I have used them all up. I feel selfish. I am sorry that I brush over your pain or troubles. but I can't be serious. I can't cry. I want to help, I want to reach out. I want to lend a shoulder. but I can't. I'm not strong enough. I can't think of your pain. I can't think about life without you. I can't lose again.

But I can laugh. I can distract. I can deal with the day to day. I can do your work. I can make sure that your favorite songs are playing on my iphone while we drive to the doctor's. I can make fun of the ridiculousness of life.That's what I can do.
That's all I can do.

5 comments:

::lindsay said...

hmm...I kinda don't know what to comment. I hope things are ok.

Can't wait to see you guys this weekend!

Kimmy said...

Sometimes that's the only way to deal.

Stephanie Kay Moore said...

I like this.

Mothership said...

I don't know what is going on either, but I can say that THAT is precisely one of the things I love about you. You are fun and happy and help us remember to laugh, even when we are dealing with crap . . . and it makes our loads lighter!

We NEED this Angie.

auntiescary said...

darlin' sometimes you're just full. it's not that you at your core don't care but right now and maybe for aloooong time it can't matter -- all the pain becomes one and OVEWHELMING..so... laughing, distracting, dealing with facts, figures, plans, to-do lists, music and especially pointing out the absurd is good too - very good in fact and maybe just what is needed...and it's enough.. love you miss t.