what's the 411 hun, I got it going on?

Hey Peeps! It's my 10 month birthday.

My mom has kind of hijacked this blog the last week or so and I'm pretty sure you guys must be bored with all her ranting so I've decided to put the focus back on me today.
We all know who the real star is here.
I know you are all probably wondering how "the Q" is doing, and I'm here to tell you
JUST GREAT!

This last week I have really picked up my skills in walking, and now enjoy make the rounds around the couch and ottoman with ease.

Often times I do get distracted by a good tv show, but I think that is genetic.

I AM doing pretty awesome with balance though.
I'll be walking in no time, so mom better watch out.


I have gotten some new toys lately, and boy are they fun!
My mom realized how much I loved sesame street so she found this wonderfully obnoxious pop-up toy for me.

She must like to torture herself, cause I push these buttons constantly just so I can smile and dance to the songs sung by the characters.."c is for cookie...yum yum yum yum"

My best friend Clinton brought me this cool John Deere tractor set. I guess every kid in this small town has to own a tractor toy, but mine is especially cool cause it plays old mcdonald and the animals make noises.

it's hours of fun!

Of course I still love to put everything I see into my mouth

And am pretty excited that my speed skills have improved. Often times I can get something into my mouth before mom even knows what hit her. It's a really fun game. She keeps saying something like "nah nah nah" to me, as she shakes her finger...but I have no idea what she is saying so I just laugh.

But above all else, I love being close to my mom and my emily. They let me crawl all over them, and I love it. I am such a "wiggle worm", as my mom calls me, but I have so much energy I need to get it out.


And it works, cause boy do I get tired.
I am starting to take good naps now, and my mom seems to enjoy that.

Speaking of which I gotta catch some z's now......

And the load, doesn't weigh me down at all, (she) ain't heavy...(she)'s my (sister)

I am the fat cousin.
It's cool, I'm used to it.
I do not live under any sort of delusion when it comes to comparing me to the skinny beauties that surround me at every family function.
Sure genetics plays a big part in it...but the enormous amounts of twinkies, gravy, and fried foods didn't help.
I like to believe that growing up fat means I have a better personality, but perhaps that it just what fat people say to make themselves feel better.
It works though.

My life has been filled with what seems like a never-ending circle of weight loss.
Motivation, diet, failed diet, depression, acceptance of fatness and it's "beauty", possible motivation to try to lose weight (either a new diet, new boy fascination, or boredom), motivation, diet, failed diet, etc...

Then a couple years ago I finally got serious about weight loss and got the lap band. Some maybe thought it was the "easy way out", but I knew (for me) this was the only possible way I was going to lose weight. I needed help with portion control, I needed someone or something(other than myself) to say "hey fatty, perhaps you should stop eating"..... and it worked.
For the first time since...who knows when...I was buying clothes in non-specialty sizes. it felt great.

then I went through pregnancy.

Luckily, I didn't gain a massive amount of weight, but it still put me back a couple sizes, and, to be honest, I was okay with that. For many months after giving birth I wasn't really motivated to lose weight. My body still felt somewhat skinny to me (compared to the size that I had been for the last 10+ years), and I was too busy working and being a single mom to focus on anything else, especially my waist size.

Then recently I have gotten motivated to lose weight.

I had set a goal to, for once in my life, be as skinny as my sister...but then she jumped on the "we're married and in our late twenties/early thirties, so let's start running phenomenon" and I just can't compete with that. I want to lose weight, but this body ain't running ANY TIME SOON.

So I joined a gym. Yep, for the last two months I have been a gym member. I can't say "i love it", I don't think that will ever come out of my mouth, but I don't mind it. I work out an hour or so, 5 days a week, both weights and cardio, and from the fit of my clothes I can tell it's working...although I don't weigh myself, and NEVER WILL.

The gym is an interesting place, full of all different sorts of people...very fascinating actually. My favorite regulars, so far, are...

---the old guy with the white 80's sweatband, khaki pants with a button-up shirt and suspenders, that comes and bikes for an hour
---the possibly 18 year old spanish boy that looks 12 who likes to act tough, but stumbles all the time while doing weights
---the odd looking 20-something guy who wears jeans and sunglasses, and grunts SO LOUD while lifting weights, that it just makes me uncomfortable..plus he never works out his lower body, and thus is very disproportional
---and finally the very tan man in his 60's that either rocks a toupee or very bad hair, but has the body of a man half his age...mid-life crisis perhaps?

Me, I usually hop on the treadmill or elliptical, put in my head phones with my "work out" mix (necessary in order to drown out the loud grunts and moans that come from the weightlifters) and just watch all overweight people go in and out of the china buffet. Now, there's motivation.

So although I will never be one of the skinny girls, atleast you can no longer fit two of my cousins into my pants...and that's good enough for me.

You know we've got to find a way, To bring some lovin' here today

"At the heart of racism is the religious assertion that God made a creative mistake when he brought some people into being"-Friedrich Otto Hertz


Since I was a child I have known that racism was wrong. I have never used a racial slur, in fact my stomach turns at the thought of it, and I cringe when it is said in my presence.

why do I feel this way?

Is it because my mother taught us that all races were equal...maybe. I never remember hearing an unkind word from her lips in regards to others race or even religion. And thus, I think I just learned that those "differences" were to be celebrated and not condemned.

Was it because I was exposed to different races all throughout my life...could be. From elementary school in Kirkland to high school in Bellevue, and onto college in Hawaii, I was constantly exposed to a multitude of races, religions, and upbringings. In high school, one of my best friends was a very devout Muslim and it was fascinating to learn about her culture. Then when I went to school in Hawaii it was a whole new experience. I was now in a minority, and it was fascinating to sometimes to be treated as such.

But why doesn't everyone feel this same way. Racial slurs, intolerance, and blatant racism, and ignorance are still alive and well...especially in this small town.

I have never heard so many racial slurs, jokes, or put-downs in my whole life. Is it the small town thinking, in-exposure to many other races, pure ignorance?

I have always been "sensitive" to the racial issues, and now being a mother of a bi-racial child, I am stunned at some of the comments that people make. Maybe it's ignorance, maybe they don't know what they just said was a little offensive, or at least on the questionnable side of racist and thus shouldn't have been uttered.
who knows.

here are some of the things that have been said to me...

"such a cute baby. it must be so fun dressing up THOSE KINDS OF BABIES" (questionnable right? what did she mean by "those kinds". maybe she meant, chubby, maybe she meant tan skinned..it just didn't sound right)

"oh look at the cute black baby"
this drives me insane
let me explain why:
yes Qiana is part black. She is bi-racial. She will grow up being very proud of both of her cultures. but her race DOES NOT define who she is. If she is a cute baby, then she is a cute baby...BLACK has nothing to do with it.
being called a "black baby" just sounds derogatory.

also heard...(referring to bi-racial black and white children) "niglet or oreo".

NOT acceptable.

Don't be offended this is all my opinion..ain't nothing that I'm sayin law

In the movie Bull Durham, when asked about what he "believes in", Crash Davis (Kevin Costner) goes on a little rant

"Well, I believe in ...the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve...".

In 1999 Baz Luhrmann (moulin rouge, strictly ballroom) wrote this song that was basically his thoughts, opinions, and advice set to music "Everybody's free (to wear sunscreen)".

"If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…
I will dispense this advice now.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you. Sing. Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself...."

Both of these pop culture references are great examples of what this first blog is about. It's a completely random spewing of my opinions on varying topics. Some important and some trivial. But these are the things that run through my mind...I wish I could set it to music, that would have really nailed it!

*****************************************************************************************
I think debates on politics and religion are pointless and thus avoid them. Although I have no strong opinions on most of these topics, I tend to lean more toward liberal than conservative, which could lead to trouble in my family.

I wish I could have marched with MLK jr, but have no desire to have walked with the pioneers.

I think just because you have money now, once a carny-always a carny. Just look at britney spears, kid rock, and the whole hulk hogan family

Although I have a "wedding" completely planned, I DO NOT believe I will ever get married. I just like to plan really cool parties.

I believe that one good parent is no match for the damage the one bad parent will do. just watch a few episodes of "intervention" if you doubt this.

I am not a big fan of "the Beatles". Most people say they are. I believe some of them (younger people) are lying just to appear cool, deep, and cultured.

I believe respect and trust has to be earned, and is easily lost.

I think only 1/2 saying a swear word is just like using the whole word. So just say it. Although, sometimes I like using just the "letter" cause it sounds funny and little bit more rebellious.

I think the 3 stooges, charlie chaplin, the marx brothers, and any other really old comedians are NOT funny.

I wish I was nothing like my father, unfortunately genetics can really screw you over.

I get extremely bored with guitar solos, I think they are indulgent and repetitious.

I think Prince Harry is so much hotter than Prince William.

The biggest thing I will teach my children is that LIFE ISN'T FAIR. If it was, mitch would have a better heart, Kim would have more children, Jared could make more money as an artist, I could spend more time with Qiana, and my mom would still be alive.

Too many Mormons together in one place gives me an annoyance headache. This is probably why I wasn't a big fan of my time at BYU.

I believe dancing horribly or silly is better than not dancing at all.

I think chewing is more disgusting and less attractive than smoking, although smoking is worse for your health, so you really shouldn't do either.

I think tarot cards, psychic readings, and astrology are fascinating and sometimes very true.

I believe there is no excuse for ignorance or stupidity.

I believe only about 1% of the population can really "pull off" the skinny jean, yet that doesn't stop this fashion trend.

I believe racial slurs are much more offensive than swear words.

I think hearty breakfast foods are better at any time of the day besides morning.

I believe big cities are more exciting, more convenient, and...just better than small towns. I have lived in both.

I think Oprah is annoying. She's not funny (although she thinks she is) and cuts people off mid-sentence ALL THE TIME.

Techno music gives me a headache. It's too long, too monotonous, and makes me feel like I should be waving around glowsticks with a pacifier in my mouth, and angel wings on my back.

People who are happy all the time freak me out. They remind me of clowns, and I just want to know what they are hiding behind those creepy smiles.

I think the title of mother and father are automatic, but you have to earn the titles of Mom and Dad.

I think kids should participate in the sex ed classes at school, ESPECIALLY if the parents aren't going to talk to them at home. Kids will hear about it from their friends.

I think all birthdays should be celebrated, if for no other reason than to make someone feel special. Children especially.

I think the term "family" can be subjective.

I believe some non-fat or reduced fat food items are completely disgusting and useless, and I can't convince my palette otherwise.

I think "funny" stories about pets are often too long, extremely boring, and not the least bit "funny". I tune out quickly.

I have no desire to visit the middle east, india, or most asian countries. They seem too crowded, too dirty, too smelly, and too dangerous for women.

I believe 99% of mass email forwards are not funny.




I have more...maybe another post.....

I'm leavin, never looking back again...

After much thought and consideration I have chosen to take this little blog private.

Today is my two year anniversary and instead of being satisfied with the job I have done, I feel like what I have put out has only been half of what I am. I have given you a watered down version of my thoughts, feelings, and happenings.

In essence I have served you the blog version of Pepsi Clear..and we all know what a bad idea that was.

A friend of mine recently started a blog full of blatant honesty and unapologetic opinions...I admire that. That is what I want. Unfortunately I do not feel comfortable enough to do that freely in this current setting. I have held back out of fear. If this blog is really meant to be my "journal" I want to be completely honest with my current and future self about my life and my thoughts. I don't want to look back on my blog books and feel cheated. I want to feel safe enough to voice my thoughts. safe enough to journal my life events. safe enough to be ME.

There is this scene in the movie "Old School" where Frank (Will Ferrell) and his wife go to counseling, and the doctor explains:

Therapist: Frank, this is a safe place. A place where we can feel free sharing our feelings. Think of my office as a nest in a tree of trust and understanding. We can say anything here.

Frank goes on to share openly his real thoughts and suddenly both his wife and the counselor stare at him with judgmental eyes... Frank stops mid sentence...

Frank: ... You know, and uh, and I started feeling.....what? what I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?

Well I am figuratively "stopping mid-sentence" of my blog. I want to create a true "nest in a tree of trust and understanding", but have instead created a blog of half truths and edits. Going private will allow me the freedom I need to be ME.

I thank you all for reading my posts up until now, and hopefully we will continue to keep in touch in other ways.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about...

I need to lighten up my day, so I have decided to go "back to my roots" and give a couple pop culture thoughts and lists!

First my random thoughts:

1. Jimmy Fallon on late night television is rocking my world. He has given me such things as slow jammin' the news, freestylin with the roots, i licked it for $10, rush limbaugh karaoke, and "a shared experience". Plus he's trying to get the whole "saved by the bell" cast together for a 20 year reunion....brilliant! and then....he did this little ditty last week and it made me laugh so hard (especially since I laugh about the whole harry potter/twilight craziness anyway)



2. I know that new show "Glee" is probably going to be super fabulous....but if I have to see ONE MORE COMMERCIAL for it, I may just boycott it based on my annoyance and over-exposure principal. Man that's annoying.

3. Andy Samberg and the Lonely Island are freakin geniuses. If you've missed any of the "digital shorts" songs on SNL, I suggest you find them on the internet and watch. I also downloaded some songs off their album, and I would highly suggest taking a little listen at their song "dreamgirl (edited)" featuring norah jones, and try not to laugh...it it impossible.

4. I'm having a hard time really getting into SYTYCD dance this year and i think it's because I am not attracted to any of the guys, so I have to rely on my "oh isn't he adorable" fascination with Evan...but I don't know if that's enough. Should my love on this show rely on "eyecandy"? probably not, but I know what I like. :)

5. I was talking with somebody a couple days ago who actually knew what "the state" and "kids in the hall" were...this is rare, and it made me happy! Sometimes having someone else validate an obscure pop culture reference can bring such joy!

My friend Emily reminded me that I haven't posted a "what I am listening to right now" post in a very long time. she is right. I don't know why I haven't, it's not like I have stopped downloading music or listening to the newest jams...cause that sure hasn't changed.

So here it is folks...

MY TOP 15 SONGS ON HEAVY ROTATION: (in no particular order)

1. akon- beautiful. Akon puts out the hits, but add in Colby o'donis' smooth voice and you got me hooked.
2. cobra starship-good girls gone bad. For all you Gossip Girl fans this little ditty features leighton messer (blaire) in vocals and in the video.
3. lionel richie-just go. Oh Lionel you still know how to do it! this is a great summer jam.
4. black eyed peas- boom boom pow. Emily is more a fan of "imma be" cause of the "fast part"m which i agree is pretty sweet, but overall this song is better and rocks the whole way through.
5. michael jackson-shae your body (down to the ground) An MJ classic that I had forgotten about, and now can't listen to it enough.
6. beyonce-ava maria. I don't have to convince you that Beyonce is b-rilliant, and this song is hot!
7. drake- best i ever had. any canadian teen drama fans out there? jimmy, the degrassi actor, is now a rapper. a really good rapper actually. and this song gets played about 10-20 times a day in my world. love love love it.
8. keri hilson- knock you down. any song with ne-yo is pretty much a winner in my book, i mean that guy has the midas touch.
9. the dream-my love. A great r'n'b jam featuring mariah carey. some great one liners in this jam.
10. soulja boy-kiss me thru the phone. a big hit with Qiana, and thus a big hit with me. plus, compared to the rest of his songs.... 20X less annoying.
11. jamie foxx-she got her own. remember what i said about ne-yo's midas touch..well add a little jamie foxx to the mix, and you got yourself a serious jam. plus it talks about independent women and you know that speaks to me!
12. Ciara-never ever. Although "lovesexandmagic" does feature justin timberlake, I like this hit better.
13. India.arie-chocolate high. two of the greatest voices in r'n'b right now india.arie and musiq soulchild team up for this song. brilliant.
14. mos def-auditorium. p.diddy tweeted " if you love hip hop, you have to get mos def's new album". and he was right. his first single off that new album "auditorium" is hip hop at it's finest. plus it features hip hop great slick rick, and mos def former blackstarr group member talib kwali.
15. keith sweat-i want her. This is my 90's old school jam that has resurfaced in my life. he performed it at the latest BET awards, and my love was rekindled.

On average I have always been a bigger fan of male recording artists, but these three ladies are putting out the hits that I just can't get enough of.
Catchy tunes=happy me
Pink-sober, please don't leave me, so what
kelly clarkson- my life would suck without you, i do not hook up
lady gaga-poker face, love games, just dance

but all she wants to do is dance dance...

first off let me just say a big thank you to everyone who offered advice about my "letter Q" dilemma. I am so grateful. I have chosen a solution, and when it gets all done I will for sure post pictures.


this weekend, was fun and just relaxing. friday night we just hung out and watched a movie, saturday we spent the day at the pool and hanging out with friends, and sunday we got some stuff done around the house and just hung out by ourselves.
I know I have mentionned how much Qiana loves sesame street but I had to capture JUST HOW MUCH on camera. She seriously will just sit

stand, or lay there while this show is on, and has no care about what i am doing while she watches.

I even tried to get a picture of some mom and daughter time, but she wasn't paying any attention to me

I love her face in this next one


After sesame street it was time to stretch our legs with a little dance party. Again...I am not exaggerating when I say THIS GIRL LOVES TO DANCE. Her face instantly lights up when music comes and she can't help but feel the beat. Right now her "jam" is 'kiss me thru the phone'..brittany plays it for her all the time, and Q just moves.

man, i always forget you can't video at this angle, but I love how she gets down to the old school jams


don't you love how she "puts her hands in the air"?



and lastly I had to post a picture of my favorite face Q makes...her "old man" face.

I'll send an s.o.s. to the world...

I am in the process of getting Qiana's room put together. you may be asking yourself..."isn't Qiana like 9 months old, a little late with that "nesting" thing..." and you are right. But she had been doing fine in my large master bedroom, and I just didn't feel any motivation to move her. Well a couple weeks ago I decided it was time for my little girl to get her own room...plus I had purchased those cute wall art dots like forever ago, and I really wanted to put up...so I got organized and got her all moved in. She sleeps great in there, and it's nice to have it all cute for her...

but here's my problem.

I have a vision of what I want her room to look like, and in reality it is not coming together the way I would like. I am missing something.

I WANT a large (oversized) letter Q to put on her wall. I am thinking like 2 feet tall??? I don't want little letters to spell out her name. I WANT a large single letter Q, preferably in a hot pink color, but I am willing to paint it if I have to. I don't care if it's wood, metal, or hard plastic.
I would think this would be easy to find, but I have searched everywhere on the internet and CAN'T FIND A THING! this is frustrating me. I have a vision, and I will not be satisfied until that vision is complete.



So I am asking for your help. if you have any ideas, know of any stores, or can hook me up with a large letter Q

I would be most grateful.

vacation, all I ever wanted...vacation, had to get away

This past weekend, Qiana and I packed up the car and headed down to Nampa to visit Kimmy and her crew.
Oh it was so nice to just get out of town.
Some of my favorite memories of childhood was spending time with my cousins, and I want Qiana to have the same enjoyments.
And we both enjoyed ourselves completely.

I am pretty easy to entertain, so just give me some good company, good conversation, and of course good food and I am one happy girl.
So although Kim was constantly worried that they were "boring", I thought it was fun to just relax and and play with the kids.


Elsie loves her Gigi (me) and "baby Qiana", so she stayed pretty close the whole weekend, which was so funny.
Qiana loved her cousin too, so it was fun to see how they interacted.


We mostly just hung around the house
but we did venture out for some errands,
food

and to play on the playground nearby. Qiana went down a slide for the first time, and of course I was there to capture the moment, Unfortunately she didn't care to pose.



other than that it was hanging out watching tv, with Mickey Mouse playhouse, dora, and sesame street on heavy rotation...

or playing outside. We brought out bubbles one day and Elsie showed Qiana the beauty of bubbles.


At one point Elsie decided she didn't want to sit with us anymore (i think maybe I wasn't showing her enough attention) so she got her hat and glasses on and sat on the table by herself. It was possibly the cutest thing ever.

and it captured Qiana's attention.

Such a relaxing weekend!

Thanks Kimmy, Aaron and Elsie!

Summertime and the livin's easy...

What a great weekend.
Friday the girls and I hung out at grandma's pretty much all day. We played in pool, chatted with david and peggy's crew, and ate scones (delicious). At one point Qiana was napping, so Michelle, Emily, and I put music on the ipod and floated around the pool just chatting...like old times...it was awesome.
Friday night Michelle and I had some delicious food at Tsunami Sushi...man I love that place. Then Brittany came over to watch Qiana while we headed to Ephrata for some karaoke.
it was....interesting.
The lady running the karaoke was completely unorganized and kind of annoying...I couldn't stand her. She didn't have a majority of our regular songs, so we had to get creative, and it just didn't feel as fun. But we had some good company (michelle's family and kyle) and that made it okay, but man it was a late night and I was soooooo tired driving home.

Saturday we got an invititaion to a shin-dig out at jeff and becky's so the girls and I headed out there. SO MUCH FUN. Their pool was so nice and warm and Qiana was LOVING IT. we had amazing food (kylie I am still dreaming about that chocolate dessert), great company, and lots of sun. I completely understand why Qiana refused to take a nap. Emily and I were even able to get some bonding time on the jet ski.

I hadn't been on one in forever, and forgot how fun they were.

Emily hit the waves by herself at first (she had never been on one before)

and it was funny watching her get on and ride around.





Qiana and Michelle hung out by the dock, taking pictures.
(qiana was in a bathing suit, but I had taken it off for her nap...but she didn't want to sleep)


That night Qiana had a complete meltdown. For a child that barely cries, she really put her all into this breakdown. she was crying so loud, and it seemed to last forever. poor girl was just SO TIRED she couldn't even sleep. Finally Michelle and I put her in the car and drove around a bit...and she fell asleep almost instantly and slept through the night.

Yesterday I spent the day dividing my time between playing with her and trying to move her stuff into her newly finished room. For some reason she was completely high maintenance yesterday (she is still kind of sick with a running nose, so maybe that's why), and was totally distraught

if I wasn't holding her or at least sitting right by her while she played.

This made my little project last FOREVER. but it is finally done. she is now in her own room, with her blackout curtains up, cute dots on the wall, and totally organized. I love it. and apparently she does too, cause she slept from 8:30 last night until 7:45 this morning. Yippee.