After much thought and consideration I have chosen to take this little blog private.
Today is my two year anniversary and instead of being satisfied with the job I have done, I feel like what I have put out has only been half of what I am. I have given you a watered down version of my thoughts, feelings, and happenings.
In essence I have served you the blog version of Pepsi Clear..and we all know what a bad idea that was.
A friend of mine recently started a blog full of blatant honesty and unapologetic opinions...I admire that. That is what I want. Unfortunately I do not feel comfortable enough to do that freely in this current setting. I have held back out of fear. If this blog is really meant to be my "journal" I want to be completely honest with my current and future self about my life and my thoughts. I don't want to look back on my blog books and feel cheated. I want to feel safe enough to voice my thoughts. safe enough to journal my life events. safe enough to be ME.
There is this scene in the movie "Old School" where Frank (Will Ferrell) and his wife go to counseling, and the doctor explains:
Therapist: Frank, this is a safe place. A place where we can feel free sharing our feelings. Think of my office as a nest in a tree of trust and understanding. We can say anything here.
Frank goes on to share openly his real thoughts and suddenly both his wife and the counselor stare at him with judgmental eyes... Frank stops mid sentence...
Frank: ... You know, and uh, and I started feeling.....what? what I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?
Well I am figuratively "stopping mid-sentence" of my blog. I want to create a true "nest in a tree of trust and understanding", but have instead created a blog of half truths and edits. Going private will allow me the freedom I need to be ME.
I thank you all for reading my posts up until now, and hopefully we will continue to keep in touch in other ways.