I joined Rachel and her dad on the water a couple nights ago.
It really was something that I needed.
I always feel like blogging during that "particular time of the month" is much like somebody drunk dialing a whole group of people at once. The message is often emotional, non sensical, and often leaves you confused and feeling slightly awkward...but I'm going to do it anyway.
I have decided to move.
Well, actually I have been thinking about moving since I got back here 9 years ago, but the desire has only increased in the last couple of years.
And now, it's like I can't bare to live here one more day. Every day I want to pack up and just leave. Every day I cry. Every day, I wonder how my life got to this point.
I feel like I am stuck, and I just need to finally make a decision and get out. Take a leap and hope that it works out. I know, that with a child, I can't afford to fail...but I have to trust that I am smart enough to figure out how to make this work. I have to make this work.
I feel like my world is closing in around me, and I get so anxious and stressed out that I can hardly breathe. I sit up at night, trying to figure out what I need to do to make a better, happier life for me and for Q. I feel like I have just been going through the motions. get up. go to work. feed Q. play. sleep. and that I haven't truly been living a life. I want to be happy, i need to be happy, I want my family to be happy.
I understand that I have some good things here, but I don't think I will ever truly be content living here and I need to go and find a life. Moses lake is a great place but it just doesn't have what I need, and if I am honest with myself...Moses Lake has never really felt like home. I originally came back here, to work and save money for a new stage in life, and instead just never left. Moses Lake became "comfortable", but it's time for me get out there and find something, some place, some job, some life that I love.
-I need to find a career that I can stand to do for the next 30+ years. Cause let's face it, I will most likely be a working woman.
-I need to be in a bigger city. Small town living just isn't for me. I had an emotional breakdown yesterday after I discovered that no place in town how any sandals for Q. I need to live somewhere, where I can find shoes for my child!
-I need to live somewhere, that offers more of a social life, or dating scene for me. I understand that it may be that I am meant to be single, but I at least want to have the opportunity to see what's out there, and maybe have some options of guys. There is nothing in Moses Lake.
-I want Q to have every opportunity for a great education, fun activities, and tons of friends.
-I need to get out of this bubble, and get a life.
By February 2011 I will move. To Utah. Anywhere between Provo and Salt Lake.
I am hoping to move sooner...so finding a job, and an affordable place to live is a top priority!
I am going down to Utah next week, to hang out, see friends and family, and start my search.
Any advice, help, ideas, or opportunities that you guys can provide are completely welcome.